well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So squirting runs in the family.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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