I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize