I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize