There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have aggressive nipples.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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