I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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