And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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