ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've blown a few things in my day
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
