New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
