My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
