I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
