You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
