you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
