He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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