reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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