He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
