Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
