You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
