I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
