i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
