a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
