Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
