i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
