like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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