I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
