For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
