$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize