if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
