im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
