We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize