I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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