He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
