im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she peed on how many people?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
