please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
