Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize