Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
