"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
