11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
