The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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