Cold hands, warm shart.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
