My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
