Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
