I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
