..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
