im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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