he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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