I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
