Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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