I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
