What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize