I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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