I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
