We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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