So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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