Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
