**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
