R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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