i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
