he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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