I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
