she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Randomize