Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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