What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They took my balls.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
