my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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