i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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