i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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