my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
