My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
