We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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