Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize