I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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