I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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