he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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