3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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