i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
