Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize