I can tuck mytits in my pants
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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