Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
