it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
