I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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