i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
