Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
