I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
