I heard we made out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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