The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
how drunk are you?
Several
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
