I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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