just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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