Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
