She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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