he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
