Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
