That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
