So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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