I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
