wrigley field is MILF paradise
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
