Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize