9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize