The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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