Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
