i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
