I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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