I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
