could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
