I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it because I queefed?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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