So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
