Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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