Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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