i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
