umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize