he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
